why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
