C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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