M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
