I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
