; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
