I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
