dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
