I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
