I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
