Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
