every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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