If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
