He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
