I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
