I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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