discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
