sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Everclear isn't food dammit
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
