I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize