they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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