I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
