I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
