$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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