There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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