I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
