He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
