so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think I won the penis lottery.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
