Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
