I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
