Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
