Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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