I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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