My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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