Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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