Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize