I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No subtext here. People are naked.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
