I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
