Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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