It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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