We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
