eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
