my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
