I can tuck mytits in my pants
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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