i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize