i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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