i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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