you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
