I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
