The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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