He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
