haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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