I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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