Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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