a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
