I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
