i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
