Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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