Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize