My cat gives me a boner
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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