oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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