There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think my tv is drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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