yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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