Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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