You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
