Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
