i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
