new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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