i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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