y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
