so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
