My girlfriend figured out who you are.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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