Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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