How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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