So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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