i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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