When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
