She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
