I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
