drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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