new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
