The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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