This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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