She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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