the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
