Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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