I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
