I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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