im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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