I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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