there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
