He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
