JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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