Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I faked an abortion last night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
