I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
