I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize