Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
