Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Bring me that man meat
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize