so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
