When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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