i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
